


Welcome to Night Tale

by GlassThreads



Category: Night Vale - Fandom, Undertale
Genre: Crossover, F/F, Forbidden Dog Park, General Night Vale Weirdness, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-11
Updated: 2017-08-26
Packaged: 2018-09-23 15:35:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9663812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GlassThreads/pseuds/GlassThreads
Summary: Welcome to Night Vale.Today's top story: a community of monsters have joined our town as our newest residents.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This idea has been in my head since summer. I finally wrote it down.

**Episode 1: Monsters**

When one door closes, the airlocks open, sucking us all out into the cold and empty void of space. 

_Welcome to Night Vale_

Hello, listeners. 

Our little town has seen quite a few additions, and this past week we have experienced yet another! 

Apparently the mountain which the blinking red light we occasionally see off in the distance but can never visit or reach was the prison to a community of strange and inhuman creatures calling themselves ‘monsters’, who wished to rejoin our world of the ‘Surface’, as they call it. Upon revealing that they had come from the mountain, City Council informed everyone that there was no mountain, the monsters had never been Underground, mountains do not exist and so the monsters must have always been citizens of Night Vale ever since the very dawn of time. 

The only naysayer was Steve Carlsberg. Of course. Because you’ve got to just question _everything_ , don’t you, _Steve Carlsberg?_ A town cannot simply retroactively gain several dozen new citizens overnight! Nope! _Everything_ has to come from _somewhere_ with you, doesn’t it!? What a jerk. 

A small human child of indeterminate age and gender came out from the Underground along with the monsters. They explained that they, with the help of six human Souls, managed to destroy the Barrier which imprisoned the monsters within the Underground for so long. They explained this, however directly after they finished speaking, all those in the room reported that they had forgotten what the child’s voice sounded like, or if the child had indeed spoken at all, and instead used some other method of communication. They also reported forgetting what words, exactly, the child had used, simply the information that they had conveyed. 

Oh! And the child said that their name is Frisk. They introduced themself as the ‘Angel of the Prophecy’. The City Council immediately contradicted them on this front, claiming that Frisk could not possibly be an angel as _everyone_ knew that all angels were named Erika. And angels don’t exist, anyways. It is illegal to acknowledge the existence of them. 

At any rate, the monsters have been integrating into our town quickly and smoothly. A charismatic spider monster named Muffet has gotten very involved in the Night Vale spider community. She has began a bake sale to help raise funds to help grant underprivileged tarantulas more opportunities. 

Carlos, who is totally my boyfriend, has reported that a very nice and smart lizard monster named Alphys has begun working with him at his lab! He has informed me that she is actually quite knowledgeable about the Surface’s history and culture, as a result of having watched human documentaries known as ‘anime’. 

I personally am not one who enjoys documentaries. I am sure that they are quite accurate, however I personally prefer romantic comedies, such as Alien! 

Carlos has also told me that Alphys introduced him to her girlfriend, Undyne. He said that they look very cute together. Although I’m sure that we still look cuter, what with Carlos’ perfect hair. 

Carlos also informed me that Undyne was really looking forwards to visiting the Night Vale Waterfront Harbor and Recreation Area, but was disappointed to learn that we do not actually have a harbor or large body of water, as Night Vale is situated in a desert. 

Oh, and I just remembered! We have a new intern to greet! His brother apparently signed him up at our station because he is ‘A LAZYBONES WITH TOO MUCH UNUSED TIME ON HIS HANDS!!!’ So would everyone give a warm welcome to Intern Sa-- where’s he gone? 

That’s rather soon. Most of our interns tend to quit or go missing at least a week after beginning their work. 

Oh. Intern Laura has just informed me that Intern Sans is napping in the break room. 

What’s that? Oh. 

Intern Laura has just told me that City Council has observed several of the new monsters are dogs, and wants me to reiterate the rules of the Forbidden Dog Park, with the following additions. 

Dogs are not allowed in the Dog Park. People are not allowed in the Dog Park. Monsters are not allowed in the Dog Park. _No one_ is allowed in the Dog Park. Do not look at the Dog Park. Do not approach the Dog Park. Do not think about the Dog Park. Do not be consciously aware of the Dog Park. 

It is possible you may see hooded figures in the Dog Park. Do not approach them. 

Do not approach the Dog Park’s subliminal commands to gather around its imposing obsidian gates and carve mysterious runes and grams upon it. 

The Dog Park does not send out subliminal commands. 

There is no Dog Park. 

This has been a public service announcement from the City Council. 

What? What is that yelling outside? 

Listeners, I’ve just received word that Undyne has just raced out of town shouting “NGAAAAAAAAAAAH! THIS TOWN IS WORSE THAN HOTLAND!!!” 

I believe Alphys was running after her. Oh, dear. 

Listeners, as you know, Night Vale is notoriously difficult to leave. I do hope that they are alright… 

And now, a word from our sponsors. 

One hundred and five million tons of bananas are grown annually worldwide. 

There are thirteen million billion spiders worldwide. 

How many could even hide in a box of bananas anyways? 

We promise, we check each and every one of our bananas for spiders. 

Although. We cannot check _inside_ each banana. You don’t want us opening up _your_ bananas, _do_ you? That would be damaging the goods we sell you! That would be compromising our merchandise! 

Chiquita bananas. You realize you eat eight spiders every year in your sleep, right? What difference does a few spiders in your bananas make, anyways? 

Outside the recording studio, Intern Laura is trying to get my attention by wildly waving her fire lance around. 

Oh. _Oh._

Listeners, let’s go to the weather. 

\---

While you were at the weather, listeners, Night Vale has undergone several… _developments._

The most significant of which being that we have an actual waterfront now. 

Undyne apparently ran back into town, carrying a massive glass aquarium filled with just water, and dumped it out onto the sand wastes that the Night Vale Harbor and Waterfront Recreation Area used to overlook. So now we have a lake. 

Well. The majority of aquatic monsters, and aquatic citizens of town, were absolutely delighted. 

Madeline LaFleur, stated she was pleased by this development. She says that the amount of people visiting us has already begun increasing, as several sailboats mysteriously appeared on the newly created Night Vale Lake. The crews came to shore, asking those around them where they were, and how they had ended up on sailboats in a lake in the middle of a desert to begin with. 

Well. It has been quite the busy week. Make sure you all rest up tonight. 

Goodnight, Night Vale. Good night.


	2. Cookoff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is a cookoff. Who of these daring competitors will win?   
> Also, the community calendar.

**Episode 2: Cookoff**

The grass always greener when it never even existed to begin with. 

_Welcome to Night Vale._

It’s summer, Night Vale! To celebrate, on the shore of the Night Vale Harbor and Waterfront Recreation Area, a cookoff is being hosted by a monster named Mettaton! Several participants have come out to compete, including the fish monster Undyne, boss monster Toriel, and the skeleton Papyrus, all of whom have definitely always lived here and were never at any point under a mountain, the child Frisk, my friend Earl Harlan from the highly acclaimed restaurant Tourniquet, and oh! This is a surprise, listeners. Intern Sans is competing, too! 

I had been intending to ask Intern Sans to cover the cookoff, but since he’s already participating, that may be a bit awkward. So instead I’ve sent Intern Laura to cover it. She gave me a weary look, but agreed so long as she was allowed to bring her full-body armor. I hope she doesn’t overheat in that armor… 

On that note, some community health tips! On this summer day, it’s far hotter than it usually is in our little desert burg. So here are some tips to stay cool! 

First, if at all possible, stay in the shade. Things that enter the sunlight have been catching on fire. Or maybe it’s just that only the fire monsters want to go out in this heat. 

Second, if you do have to go out in the heat, try to deny that the heat exists! The living mind is an incredible organ. Through the power of adamant refusal, you may cause the heat to quietly shrink back and surrender. This strategy seems to be working well for Frisk. They’re wearing a cute striped sweater, and aren’t sweating at all! 

Now, it seems Intern Laura has arrived at the cookoff. Intern Laura, could you please hand the microphone to Mettaton for some opening remarks? 

 

MTT: Beauties and gentlebeauties, what a pleasure it is to have you all here today! The challenge for you all is to create the best summer meal with the luxury MTT ingredients provided for you, from my very own brand! Judging your meals will be Burgerpants here. 

 

And they’re off! Most are selecting ingredients. 

Hm. Laura, why don’t you take a closer look at the competitors, see what they’re making? 

A very nice goat lady, Toriel, seems to be making snail pie. Mmmm, snail pie. 

Earl Harlan seems to be preparing to barbecue something. Oh! He’s going to be barbecuing chicken! Daring move, Earl. First he has to remove the venemous stingers from it, we don’t want to poison our judges. 

Papyrus and Undyne both seem to be making spaghetti. And Intern Sans seems to already be done. He has a seed pod of some kind in a hamburger bun, doused in ketchup. 

Well done, Sans. Very fast and productive. 

While we wait for something exciting to happen, let’s take a look at the community calendar. 

Monday will be one of those days. You know. _Those_ days. You will awaken from dreams you cannot recall and wander through the day feeling as though everything were conspiring against you. Your paranoia will put you on edge, and cause mistakes that in your mind confirm your deepest, darkest suspicions. 

Tuesday is Bring Your Kid to Work Day. Adults will bring their children to their places of employment. Then adults will go to the school, and replace their children. Josh Crayton will go to his mother’s office job while Diane Crayton experiences high school life. Robert Harlan will cook delicious meals for paying customers while his father Earl takes tests and does classwork. 

Wednesday is a government scheduled earthquake. 

Thursday, Night Owl Records is going to have a live music event, by their very own Michelle Nguyen. She will scream, without breathing, for thirty minutes straight. I have been told it is a very moving and emotional piece. Coffee and other refreshments will be provided. 

Friday is the day that time and space will crack open, revealing a vast and incomprehensible multiverse that cares naught for our insignificant world, using it only as a battlefield in a neverending war. Our alternate selves will clash on the streets we once lived on, all for the amusement of strange omnipotent beings with nothing better to do than manipulate our lives for their own amusement. 

Saturday, the world will be reset by a tiny child through the power of pure determination. 

Friday is a casual day. Just, you know. A casual, normal day. You will walk down the street, whistling nonchalantly. You will nod and smile and wave at other passersby. You’ll walk and walk and walk. When did the street get so long? You can’t stress over these things. Just a normal day. 

Saturday, absolutely nothing of import will happen. 

Let’s take another look at the cookoff, shall we? 

Everything is on fire. Undyne stands in the midst of the blazing inferno, supplexing a stove into the air. Her spaghetti is still cooking on the stove. Only Frisk is unbothered by this development, very determinedly chopping up vegetables with a knife. 

While the fire is dealt with, listeners, let’s go to the weather! 

~~~

And the results are in, listeners! The winner of this cookoff is Frisk. Unfortunately, every other competitor’s dish was burned up in the fire caused by Undyne. Only Frisk, and their adamant refusal to acknowledge that fire was a thing that existed, saved their meal. As the only competitor with a finished fish, Frisk has gotten the prize of a lifetime supply of MTT brand merchandise. 

Laura is reporting that there were surprisingly few casualties from the fire. Intern Sans disappeared minutes after he finished his dish, and all of the snails in Toriel’s pie made a daring escape when she went to get water from the lake to put out the fire. 

Congratulations, Frisk, on your victory. And to everyone else-- you tried! That is the important thing. So long as you try, you can accomplish nearly anything! Except apparently this victory. 

And let this be a lesson to all my listeners. There will be other competitions. In cooking, in classes, in work and play, in life. You may not succeed the first time, but every time you try that’s another chance you have to win. 

To all my listeners, goodnight, Night Vale. Goodnight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a side note, this is not my primary fic. That would be Triad, also an Undertale fic. This one pretty much updates whenever I feel like it.   
> Hope you enjoyed another chapter~


	3. Jailbreak

**Episode 3: Jailbreak**

Someday you will find the One that’s right for you. Someday. And with the power of the One, you shall rule over all Middle-Earth with an iron fist. 

_Welcome to Night Vale._

A very important announcement today, listeners! There has been a jailbreak from the Night Vale Penitentiary, and several dangerous criminals have escaped! 

Individuals like Nia Kaye, arrested for heresy against the almighty Glow Cloud(all hail), Kenneth Davidson, arrested for thinking about the Dog Park for too long and attracting the attention of the mysterious Hooded Figures, and Telly the Barber, responsible for the _heinous_ crime of _cutting Carlos’ hair_ , are now walking the streets along with common citizens. 

Of course, this happens, eh, twice a month since the Penitentiary is a constructed entirely of gumdrops and toothpicks four months ago by the Night Vale Elementary third grade, as a project they had in their Eldritch Architecture class. Other buildings created by previous classes include the Triple-Secret Police Station that everyone who enters, never again returns from...

The monsters’ former Royal Guard, led by Undyne and including several dog monsters, is joining forces with the Secret Police in order to hunt down and capture these criminals! 

I am being told that a skeleton monster, Papyrus, is outside the Penitentiary, shaking his head at the stale candy and flimsy wood twisted into strange and impossible shapes, muttering “THIS WILL NEVER DO! WHERE ARE THE SPIKES!? WHERE ARE THE PRECARIOUS SWINGING BRIDGES!?” 

What’s this? It seems Papyrus is going somewhere. But where to, and why? 

This is a real treat, listeners. We finally have Intern Sans out in the field! Reporting! Originally we were going to have Intern Laura do it because we couldn’t find him again, but Laura found him napping under the black hole created after Intern Hanna left us. 

Intern Laura is currently happily organizing the wingless insects. 

Intern Sans, how does the search seem to be going? 

Sans: the canine unit’s hit on the trail. they all seem _barkin’_ mad about somethin’. 

Are you feeling alright, Sans? You sound a little hoarse. 

Sans: heh, well my voice’s been a bit _husky_ lately. 

 [Agitated distant barking]

Oh? It sounds like they’ve found someone! 

Sans: nah, that’s just my bro. 

Papyrus: LET GO OF MY LEG, ANNOYING DOG! I MAY BE A SKELETON BUT I DON’T HAVE ANY BONES TO SPARE! 

Sans: not even a rib? 

Papyrus: UGH, OF COURSE NOT! IF THEY WANT A BONE THEN THEY’RE BARKING UP THE WRONG TREE! 

Sans: good one, bro. 

Papyrus: SANS! DON’T YOU HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN INFECT MY MIND WITH YOUR RIDICULOUS PUNS!? WHY AREN’T YOU IN THE STUDIO!? 

Sans: nah, i’m doin’ it. they need a guy to report out here. 

Papyrus: WOWIE! WAIT… DOES THAT MEAN… I’M ON THE RADIO!?!? 

Sans: yep. 

Papyrus: OH NO! IF I HAD KNOWN I’D BE ON THE RADIO TODAY, I’D HAVE DRESSED UP A BIT AND STYLED MY HAIR! 

Sans: your hair looks fine, bro. very suave. 

Papyrus: OH! GOOD! HI UNDYNE, HI FRISK, HI ASGORE, HI ASGORE’S BEARDLESS CLONE! I’M ON THE RADIO! 

Sans: you sure are, bro. say, what’s all that stuff you’re carrying. 

Papyrus: YOU’LL SEE, BROTHER! AND DON’T FORGET TO PUT _BACKBONE_ INTO YOUR JOB! NYEH HEH HEH! 

Sans: aaaaaand he’s gone. 

And that was an exclusive interview with Intern Sans’ brother, Papyrus! 

Sans: isn’t he the coolest? 

And now, the wea--

What was that, listeners? It sounded like… a bump. Or footsteps. 

Intern Laura? Was that you? 

No, it sounded heavier… 

Oh. Oh _no_. 

Listeners, I think an escaped prisoner may be _in our studio._

This is terrible. If they’re in the studio, then they could be _anywhere_. 

Were those creaking floorboards behind you? Was that a cold breath on the back of your neck? 

Listeners, I pray for your safety. I pray for my safety. I pray for Intern Laura’s safety. 

And now… the weather. 

~~~

Well. 

Listeners, that was a _very. Close. Call._

Katrina MacPherson, guilty of the _terrible_ crime of creating copies of herself with her mind, was in fact in the studio. And in your home. In _all_ of our homes. 

Fortunately, Kenneth Davidson once again thought of the Dog Park for far too long. This mental activity aroused the suspicion of the Hooded Figures, who rushed about him and all the escaped convicts, rapidly escorting each and every one back into the Night Vale Penitentiary. Which… 

Oh, wow, listeners! It seems that while we were at the weather, the Penitentiary building was completely redone! No longer is it crudely built of gumdrops and toothpicks. It is now precarious swinging bridges across pitch dark abysses lined with spikes, intimidating cannons, torches, puzzles, and other armaments looming out at prisoners from impossible angles and configurations. 

Apparently, _Papyrus_ redesigned and rebuilt the entire prison! Who knew he was such a genius at Eldritch Architecture? 

In recognition of his prowess at containing prisoners, he has been promoted to the new Sheriff of the Secret Poli-- 

Oh. Um. This is awkward. You are not supposed to know the identity of the sheriff… 

...Goodnight, Night Vale! Goodnight! 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I prioritize finding the One Ring over the romantic one. I can make 'aces are invisible' jokes while being a literal invisible ace.  
> Also Papyrus becoming sheriff of the Secret Police was the first thing in my ideas.


End file.
